While learning how to be a feminist, I fell into this trap. What one person stated is since I was a male I could never be a feminist only an ally at best and I should get over it.
It took time to process it and your observations are what I also observed. I never gave up and kept learning and growing in my feminism learning and belief, but I was a stubborn SOB and I knew rejection of feminism didn’t serve me well so I said if not me …. and not the treating everyone equally and fairly is wrong … then it must be you.
Every group needs it warriors, but at some point the warrior needs to realize they need to be diplomat ….