I am a giver and a healer, so seeing a natural smile on a person that is struggling. Seeing a person blossom under love and care and heal and be whole is amazing.
To the selfish? Sure folks that are unique and special and extra sensitive in a negative world "are" unlovable; however, it speaks more from projection about themselves.
They realize they don't have the capacity and ability to love and feel and give to the needs that the other partner needs.
There are limitations though! If you do find someone willing to go that extra mile (or the trillionth + 1 ), you owe that person all of your energy to do the therapy and work to heal yourself. Also, you must realize if there is a dark hole within yourself, it is not up to that person to fill it and be the end-all.
What you are doing is *very* very important Yael. By sharing your deepest desires AND darknesses you are controlling them and conquering them. You are becoming the Master/Mistress of your domain.
You are disempowering the fear demon and empowering the passion angel within yourself. Don't stop, and if Trolls come out to mess with you, realize it is because you are expelling the vile and evil darkness that has invaded your soul. It is no longer "in" you, it has left your body and dark attracts dark.
Just know as you walk into your dark woods to howl, a true man with fully formed masculinity has the spark of life so bright that he will provide the light you need to make you see the light while your eyes are closed.
As for lovemaking, I believe as a man you would require Karezza or "devotional sex" when in those moments. A "very" fun practice ..
I hope you are feeling better after you released and wrote this, and know I and so many other people here “wish” nothing but the best for you Yael Wolfe.