You are the one that is taking an erotic poem as a manifesto on your life. You made commentary about seeing how the other half lives, so what is one person supposed to expect. I don't know you, so what would one expect.
My share was to attempt to have a discussion, and trust me have you been raped? Were you assaulted as a child by a female babysitter? Guess what I have, so whatever hellscape you think you have lived, my hell has shit that is not "great"
It is not ok to project your pain and trauma on a stranger without their consent. I share to try to facilitate a discussion which you since I see you in pain, but your response tells me it was a waste of my time.
I will tell you running from the pain, doing things that you hate, is not the solution to your problem. Confront and deal with it, and do so in a way that others don't have to deal with your emotional trauma.
Get therapy and work on your demons. Step away from things that trigger you, and be a better and stronger man.
You aren't dealing with your pain, you are running from it and attacking another person is the exact wrong thing to do.
I do wish you better mental health and wellness. I also hope you can find some inner peace with your demons, but do understand your commentary is not welcome or consented too.