You cover this so well.
What I found is to deal with the trauma or the possibility of the trauma, the mind and body need to provide a release and pleasure to counter the fear and pain.
I close my and envision a woman in this position who asks me to fulfill a rape fantasy. How the hell do I do it since it can trigger me, may trigger her, or fuck it all trigger us both in the wrong way.
I realize at the core, she wants to see a man’s masculinity so consumed in desire for her, he is beyond all-in. He wants to throw it all away because of her beauty and desire.
She doesn’t want to know about it coming. She wants to be surprised and doing normal life things with no clue or care in the world.
She also when it happens and the shock wears off and the raw consented violence and sex happen (power play), she also wants to know if it is too much she has the power to make him “STOP”. Not No ….. STOP and GET OFF ME.
This is a safeword or phrase, and with the utterance of the words, the man’s love and concern for her packs up the demon, put it away, and then cuddles her and makes her feel safe.
She has full control over it all. If previously raped, she gets her belief reaffirmed in men, that they can control their urges and emotions. That she is loved and cared for, and there is nothing that the man won’t do to love her “and” desire her.
A shallow man can’t do this. A weak man can’t do this. Only an authentic and loving man can because it is all about her pleasure first and being ravished. If she loves the feeling and needing to be used as a “dump” first … then that is communicated and provided and when done. Instead of dropping her on the ground and leaving her neglected … that man says … role playoff … cuddling and love and rebuilding on.
I know exactly how this feels. I get it.