You did the hard work, you actualized, and you deserve it all. You are spot on for holding this up as a requirement for a relationship.
What women (yeah go team women) are realizing as they tear down the walls of patriarchy is something extremely disturbing and scary and OMFG.
The walls that protected men at the expense of women, show an ugly truth.
For a hyper majority of men the confidence and their masculinity has been snuffed out. For the remainder, their flames are flickering down and dying. One can also see that men have been neutered of their ability to talk and been made deaf, dumb, and blinded by a few manically driven men and women.
Think of Lord of The Rings, remember the King of men wasting away on the throne dying? This fits and then some.
To get anything higher then a 6 reliability requires a man to have done the work and worked hard to protect and build his masculinity and confidence. The problem is this. Men because of those patriarchal walls are still for better or worse left in the 1890s pre suffrage movement.
Zero (and I mean zero) has been done to empower men in these areas and if it is done it is horribly communicated it is toxic. I am a survivor of rape, and I actually had a feminist (ex) girlfriend tell me to suck it up and be a man when I had an ED event. She even gaslit me that I was gay ( this was the 90s). So with that we have a lot of society telling men the same thing, and then using the same techniques saying women survive death threats and what not.
Do men need to step up? You betcha, but their is a scaring that kills intimacy and the male sexual spirit flame. Men now get triggered when the emotions and flames spike. What does that mean? Women lose out and so do men.
It is fucked up, but you know what my view a woman who has done the work doesn’t deserve 1/2 a man. She shouldn’t settle period now should she.
It needs fixed but the one thing women assume but don’t get is there are no communities of men like women to help do the emotional labor to survive. Near zero. No talking nothing. Men are thrown to the wolves and he either figures it out or he doesn’t.
We see it prime time in today’s society and it is a gonzo, horrific freak show.
But men obviously have sexual needs WTF are they doing. Simple porn and self love, and we are seeing those net effect and we know for intimacy it will not end well. If a man heals enough, now he has patterns that are not sustainable for relationships and intimacy above a 2 or 3.
It actually with women equal to men and this sad travesty the awful and objectification adage of “I have the pussy I make the rules”, now have been nullified and been replaced with “I have an empathic dick I make the rules”.
Fucked up and perverse and just awful.
So now women are seeing it and mother nature is trying to help in her perverse ways. It happens in nature (I have a horse farm and do breeding work FYI). Women turn to women for sexual satisfactions and needs even of heterosexual. The problem is it doesn’t satisfy a core need, and it draws the wrong kind of man and patterns an empty long term solution, as it shifts the power in the wrong way since a 10 of a man means only a 5 for each women.
The fix requires a massive involvement in society, and requires a lot of empathy, sympathy, love, and care since so many men from Boomers to Gen Z are drowning. The thing is we see so much pushed for women empowerment ( go team girl rock on), but look around society how much for men? Wait I know Gillette commericals telling men they can only be the best they can be if they buy their razors.
It sucks but their is hope. I worked through 5 years of male fragility and beat back the anxiety and fear demons from the toxic culture of masculinity. Note: not toxic masculinity. If one is to talk to the uneducated biological male, one can’t trigger a response that implies all masculinity is toxic as when you have been muted and beaten down it is a one layer, one definition, basic response. Women know layers. They know it is .ore then that but they are PhDs to men’s middle school at best mentality.
I started the exit out of the graduate school starting last October when I ejected the crutches of social engagement with politics and other things I what I call Traumabook ( err Facebook ) groups.
I have a very long and layered fight I did, and I had to do it all by myself with no help from a group of men or society. I am talking #metoo and being abused as a child by a female babysitter.
Know how I survived? Sex.
So the answer to your question if we were sitting at a nice restaurant and getting to know each other of what value I place on sex in a relationship.
It is an 11 on a 10 scale. Also, I believe given societies beat down on women I take care of my partner first. The rest of why would be a long discussion and would take time, dessert, and coffee.
The thing is though. We wouldn’t have met on a dating app that implies transactional sex. My glass boy that I rebuilt from pounded down silicia will not bond with a 1/2 a woman. He will desire his equal partner, and then she will find out how nuclear hot 🔥 the male sexual flame is.
For now as a personal share to a person who is realizing the ugh of this situation and because I love women as much as food and air.
What I started down just recently because I found a community of women and one man that I can publically trust. I am taking the last crutch I used to keep me alive for those 22 years when all hope was lost. I am killing the porn mistress and the self love. Why? I have rebuilt me and figured out what and how my masculinity is. I use poetry to channel my hot 🔥 sexual flame, I became a feminist to not only reboot my masculinity but to understand the language of women since I love femininity and womanhood so very much. I work on me and now am working on the damage from the self medication damage. I also improve my asset as a man adding layers after layers in my personality and soul, so when that glass girl of a perfect type reaches out for the leather bound book in a small coffee shop and bookstore in Texas when she is alone and needs to find a coffee and fulfillment.
She will say hmmm, The life and fun of Tegel, seems interesting, then opens it and says wow their is a lot of read.
My masculinity and soul is just as precious as a woman’s, because, of the trail of tears I did.
So for you my advice is simple, never settle but also understand that a 6 maybe the highest out there. If one desires a 9 or higher, she may need to ask and work with the man and say why is 6 just good enough. What has happened to cause you the pain to not want to enjoy a 10?
Good luck on your travels, I do wish you find a good intact man who has figured it out.
We all deserve better. If you do get curious about me, I have used poetry to share and show my passions and a window into me. I am not a writer, and I am a high tech software architect, who has a horse farm and is a feminist. I also have a high ethical bar, but I realized my core gifts are in kindness, forgiveness, vulnerability, and I have figured out I am built for unconditional love. But for now I am cursed due to environmental beat down with demisexual needs. This will mean a person who has a conditional and transactional view of intimacy won’t be able to get past my female and male warriors to get to my red door and glass boy. BTW, the female warrior tamed the dark abyss and she is kick ass.
But once in open and free love exists
Be well and take care and great writing.