You have a beautiful body and a strong one, never forget that. If it was awful and bad or weak, it would have failed you given the trauma it had to absorb.
I can empathize with you as I have traumas from my past haunting me today. My therapist has been extremely helpful in handling this. Trust me on this as I don't want to derail the conversation, know I get the body positivity angle and food and all that.
Your body is trying to heal a mental issue with physical solution.
Remember eat to live not live to eat.
Also if you binge, don't feel bad. Try to step back (
as my therapist says) and understand why you did what you did and don't judge yourself.
On your period, as a man I will never truly understand. With the allergies I have had, I do understand pain/discomfort in the lower GI due to wicked inflammation. My putting words to pain would call it having the horror genre "Chuckie" with his knife stabbing away down there, but that being said I will never know.
I realize this is a hard time, and winter is coming, but also if you are truly aware of it ... attack and it and fight it. We are all here, so write talk and reach out to any of us and know when we can respond we will be here for you.
Fight for your body, fight for your mind, and fight for you soul. It is precious and beautiful and deserving of so much love and warmth.
On the health front, I actively monitored and worked on my own personal health. In Feb 2019, I felt like my body hit a brick wall. I was within 50 weeks of hitting my weight goals (I was walking 6-9 miles a day) and things were going great.
Then boom. I figured it was bad allergies and I would recover and I did a bit, but things just didn't feel right.
2.5 weeks ago, my dentist (she is friggin awesome) was like Alan you have severe gingivitis attacking your gums. I am like I don't understand? I floss, brush 2-3x a day and take the appropriate mouthwashes.
Even with twice a day Chlorahexidine it was holding it back but not knocking it out.
I had a crown put in and the gums receded and a hairline crack happened which allowed bacteria to get into the tooth and start actively eating it up and creating a bacteria cess pool. Duiring the cleaning the crown popped off, and I saw her work hard not hazving a clue. Thanks to my theapist I used breathing meditation to process 3 hours of crown work and other work while she repaired it.
The next day I felt like my body was set free. The bacteria was activating the xolair causing wickedly bad blood pressure and heart rate spikes, and causing me to have CAT IV reactions to everything.
Now ... all gone.
The trauma from the past (my sexual abuse) was like that tooth. I have processed it and cried like a mother fucker ... worked it out and did the work in the last few months. I am feeling so much better.
My advice (take it or leave it), is you need to fight hard and tackle it full on. I am an alpha style man so I had no issue to pushing forward. What I needed to learn was to embrace my inner feminine and know when to sit still. IMO, you need to figure out how to be assertive with your masculine spirit and fight for your body and mind. You can do it.
Don't give up. We want you around Yael.