You underestimate the power of testerone. Most women have zero clue and understanding of the raw power and the madness that hits a man. Certainly, it is critical men manage it and the emotions but to expect a man not to ignite the switch shows that you didn’t see or understand men. That is ok. The fact your friends stayed in friend mode for as long as they did shows how much they respected and cared for you until they realized that you were the type of person they wanted to be with.
I do understand how you could feel jaded since being blindsided implies a lack of honesty and trust, but conversely judging a person also had its cost too.
I believe the one thing that a large part of society doesn’t get is men have a hard time trusting women. It may have to do with the raw carnal reaction that happens upon interaction. I think a different way to this understanding actually happens with women partnered up with men who go through ED and where the spark lights and goes out immediately. The love is there but something is retarding it.
The example I like to use for heterosexual but can be inferred into spirituality terms for non binary, is that women/feminine spirit are the candle, and men/masculine are the wick and spark to the flame. You article reflects what happens when a guy self lights upon seeing the candle.
Friendship has many layers including sexual. My advice to you, which probably doesn’t matter, is that if their is a friendship that a clear, concise, and direct talk be had about the feelings you both had just like in the beginning of a new relationship. If a negative reaction occurs, that is ok. Just understand that you may need to break it off 100% since your friend deeply cares for you and while your view of honest and integrity in the friendship has been violated, his trust, hopes and dreams have been shattered. Game over.
However, you learned and important lesson about the raw power that men have sprung upon them at the age of 8–12 with no book or document on how to manage.
This came to me when I was at a bar talking to a woman that was a traveler and who went through fertility treatments that included testerone. The amount they gave was too much and for 30 days she had to live like a guy. She said her husband and her loved it for 2 days … and then after it she stated it was awful as she felt like she’s needed to have sex and masterbate every few minutes. She stated she never did drugs but she stated she empathized with a recovering addict.
Be well and I do hope that the friendships didn’t go super horribly South for you since friendships are not easy to get, keep, and maintain.