Your gifts of observation and ability to share and converse them have a wonderful way that thirsty and hurt souls can empathize and understand.
I want to say (in my limited way of understanding) it is akin to trauma bonding in a distant way. So for some it hits hard and given their dirtiness and damaged soul, that they lash out in the worst and more inhuman ways. In others, it builds you into a femme fatale mother goddess type of person that they lust, desire, and want to put you on a pedestal because worshipping feels good.
It can and is too much for a single human being that is normal and ok (if there is such a thing as normal) to handle on a good day. For those searching and hurting and trying to live … holy shit “batman” …. hide in a cave and cry, drink, scream and yell.
My view from my hurt position as a guy in a long-term relationship with a woman where if I had fixed my shit in my early 20’s with regards to the stuff I share, I probably wouldn’t have helped build the relationship I have now.
The thing I learned though is relationships are more then just sex but about sharing a path on the way through life. As such I built things with her, shared horror stories and even if I feel empty, hollow and misunderstood … I do know she has been there (stone cold loyal is the phrase I used). I have to honor that.
What your shares (and other women here too that I have conversed with) show is how similar the thirst is with women as it is with men. The thirst that exploded onto me at the age of 8, to be warped by a female babysitter with a belt to make it so oral and hand would never work for me, to being so horny with a high libido that in the early days and years (first 10 years in fact) sex was daily and weekends was multiple times.
That being said …. your shares and observations help humanize the importance of both spirits and independence for women (and others too as you right for their rights which is a “rock on sister moment”.).
So never forget that …. you matter, your words matter, your beliefs matter, your heart matters ….. and I can’t wait for the day that you consent and feel and believe in yourself that you deserve everything and more ….
No shallow souls for Yael …. only deep wells of souls for you. May you find the person(s) in your life that you look down through the well and you say damn that is deep.
Meanwhile, some of us can listen to your exquisite words of how the morter just looks right on the wall around the well. The smell of the flowers around the base, the firm and rough feel of the rope, the creak of the wheel as your pull up the bucket of words from the deepness of the well to share with the masses.
All while having a nice cookie and tea on a soft blanket near the well …