Here is a link to my share, which I came out and shared after #metoo (listed at the end). I am good now as it took several years of therapy, and I attacked it at the end of 2020 and processed it finally.

https://alan-tegel.medium.com/my-share-from-last-year-c76be47a35aa

As for weight loss, I lost nearly 50lb and put it back on, but I am preparing to attack it again now that I am feeling good (long story).

How I processed the end of the rape is that I thanked him for giving me the ability to know what kind of man I would never be. I also thanked him for getting the ability to see what women deal with at the worst of the worst and how they aren't believed (read my share, and you will see what I mean). I became a feminist and worked hard on communicating better and more effectively. For all the women in my life, I try to make sure they feel safe with me. I share this publicly because I have nothing to hide, and for other guys to stand up if they were sexually assaulted to know they aren't alone.

I overate and drank a lot for nearly two decades because I dealt with the pain. I traveled a lot, had an expense account, had a pretty high travel status where I got free booze when I flew and at the airline clubs.

So imagine eating high-end steaks every night while polishing off a half dozen double manhattans every night. When I would fly, the Admiral's Club Angels would fill up my Starbucks coffee mug (you know the travel mugs) with manhattans, so I sipped away while traveling. I was a very happy drunk and tipped really well, and most folks assumed life was grand, but it really wasn't. Well, I stopped drinking and smoking. In fact, last few years, I made a bottle of scotch last the entire year, and for two years, I drank nothing. (The doctor was amazed at my liver recovery, e.g.).

So what does that have to do with the six-pack view? The damage I did to myself was because of the rape and the mental harm from the whole situation. Removing it is like stating that you may have smacked me down and injured me, but I have removed your impact, and I am happy like I was before. It is for my health and self-confidence, but it is not to get "laid" or look hot for someone else. It is purely for me and only me. My confidence and authenticity are back (e.g., I don't personalize when women shout out at anger about guys). The more I do this, the stronger my reserves are to help others.

On the plus side, I can empathize with the struggle of weight loss and the bad feelings folks get with it. So if I win this battle and get divorced and whatnot, it is about my partner's passion, personality, intelligence, and liberation that does it for me. Not the stereotype of size 2-6 and all of that ... Liberated and empowered women excite me and make me want to stand up and help and be a partner. There is no such thing as competition in relationships, only partnerships.

I use poetry to help direct my extra sexual and masculine energy if you are curious (iPoetry and Marlene in a Pub). The publications I submit are run by women. I am a guy that consent is the most important thing ...

I hope that helps explain everything in better and deeper detail. I highly respect your work, and I can see the passion and the dealing with trauma and pain you state. So keep on fighting, I am an ally that has your back.